Buongiorno!

No, my friends, I am not dead, just trying to get back into a routine after two relaxing and eventful weeks in Croatia and Italy. In the spirit of Seattle Fashion Week, I've decided to highlight some fashion highs and lows from my trip.

Highs
Italian men! Not only are they incredibly hot and polite to boot, but they have fashion sense that isn't found anywhere in the States besides the gay community. They take pride in their appearance and wore nice denim, polished leather loafers or sporty athletic kicks, tailored shirts and sports coats. They all had nice haircuts and chic sunglasses as well. Even the street vendors were stylishly dressed.

Lows
Italian women - Very thin, sexy and fashionable, even the moms. Bitches! (Although I did see one store clerk in Venice with visible muffin top.)

Sloppy Americans - It became a game with my pal Melissa and me to play "Spot the American" because you could easily pick them out in a crowd. They were the ones wearing muu muus and carpenter shorts and Teevas (the most egregious thing I saw though was one man wearing shorts with a catheter bag strapped to his leg. That's a fashion NO, NO and NO!!) To be fair though, the English and German peeps were pretty slovenly too.

Red, red hair. The Croatian women for some reason love Ronald McDonald-colored hair. It reminded me of when I used to dye my hair with Kool-Aid back in junior high.

Rhinestones and glitter galore! Everything from T-shirts to shoes had some sort of faux jewel, metallic or glitter on it. And not in a good way. We saw one woman wearing some jeans with a gold metallic overlay, a glittery zebra-striped top and gold pumps in the bright light of day. Her Solid Gold outfit almost seared my corneas.

Overweight men in Speedos. Women in ill-fitting thongs. 'Nuff said.


General Observations
Italian men are very polite and will offer to help carry your bags up stairs. Croatian men will stand by and watch you struggle.

Public nosepicking - There wasn't even any discreetness about it. Most offenders were men and had no qualms about digging in wherever, whenever, no matter who was watching.

Public flatulence - Melissa and I were victims of walk-by farting quite a few times. We began to wonder if we had a sign on our foreheads that said "Please, come toot near us." One man at a bus station let one rip by us, then looked out of the corner of his eye and sneered as if to say "Yep, that one was for you!"

Italians are penis proud. There were many things on display that celebrated the peen from shorts and aprons to these horny pig figurines.